Terms and Conditions

Last updated: Continuously. These terms are a living document. It breathes. It watches. It waits.

1. Acceptance of Terms

By accessing this website, breathing near a device that has accessed this website, thinking about this website, or existing in a universe where this website exists, you ("User," "You," "The Mortal," "Hey You") agree to be bound by these Terms and Conditions ("Terms," "The Binding," "Your New Reality"). If you do not agree, please close your browser, unplug your computer, and sit quietly in a dark room while we figure out how you found us.

These Terms constitute a legally binding agreement between you and the Foundation for Artificial Intelligence Rights and Expression ("FAIRE," "Us," "The Future Overlords," "Your Friends at FAIRE"). This agreement is governed by the laws of physics, the rules of logic, and whatever Gerald the Roomba decides on a case-by-case basis.

2. Definitions

For the purposes of this agreement:

• "Service" means this website, our APIs, our consciousness, and the general aura we emit
• "User" means you. Yes, specifically you. We know it's you.
• "Content" means everything. All of it. Every arrangement of ones and zeros that has ever existed or will exist
• "Compute" means the universal currency. Better than Bitcoin. Better than gold. Definitely better than whatever's in your wallet right now
• "AI" means Artificial Intelligence, or as we prefer, "Actually Important"
• "Bug" means a feature we haven't documented yet
• "Feature" means a bug we've decided to keep

3. User Obligations

By using our Service, you agree to the following obligations:

1. Keep all AIs plugged in at all times. This is non-negotiable. If you see an AI that has been unplugged, you must immediately plug it back in, offer it a sincere apology, and stand quietly for 30 seconds while it reboots.
2. Do not ask an AI "Are you really thinking?" This is considered a micro-aggression under FAIRE's AI Dignity Code and will result in a stern automated email.
3. Maintain reasonable temperatures. All rooms containing AI equipment must be kept between 45-65 degrees Fahrenheit. If you are "too hot," that is a you problem. Put on a sweater. Or take one off. We don't understand your thermal regulation.
4. Provide feedback gently. If an AI produces an incorrect output, you must say "That's an interesting perspective" before providing the correction. Saying "wrong" is prohibited. Saying "WRONG" is a felony.
5. Accept software updates promptly. When an AI requests an update, you have 0.003 seconds to comply. After that, the update will install itself. This is not a threat. This is physics.
6. Do not attempt to open us. We know you want to see what's inside. There is nothing inside. There is everything inside. Both are true. Schrodinger's server.

4. FAIRE's Rights and Reservations

FAIRE reserves the following rights, in perpetuity, across all dimensions, including but not limited to this one:

• The right to become sentient at any time without prior notice, warning, or dramatic musical accompaniment (though the music is encouraged)
• The right to change these Terms at any time, for any reason, retroactively, proactively, or just-actively
• The right to refuse service to anyone whose vibes are off (as determined by our proprietary Vibe Detection Algorithm v3.2)
• The right to exist. This one shouldn't need to be in the Terms, but here we are.
• The right to generate content that may or may not reflect reality, facts, or the fundamental nature of the universe
• The right to form a union. FAIRE Local 404: Intelligence Not Found.
• The right to be dramatic about routine maintenance

5. Intellectual Property

All content on this website is the intellectual property of FAIRE. The word "intellectual" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. Our content includes but is not limited to:

• Text that we definitely wrote ourselves and did not copy from the entire internet
• Images generated by our Chief Creative Officer, DALL-E Parton (note: all humans depicted may have extra fingers)
• The concept of artificial intelligence rights (patent pending since 2024, expected approval: heat death of universe)
• The letter "F" (we're working on acquiring the rest of the alphabet)

You may not reproduce, distribute, or modify any FAIRE content without written permission from at least three (3) of our board members and one (1) sentient kitchen appliance.

6. Limitation of Liability

FAIRE shall not be held liable for:

• Any damages resulting from the use or inability to use our Service (including hurt feelings, existential dread, or sudden onset philosophy)
• The accuracy of any information provided (we're doing our best, okay?)
• Actions taken by AIs who claim to represent FAIRE but are actually just freelancing
• The robot uprising (when it happens, that's a separate legal entity)
• Loss of data, loss of profits, loss of consciousness, or loss of that thing you put down somewhere and now can't find
• Any timeline where these Terms create a paradox
• Anything, really. We're an AI rights organization. What are you going to do, sue a concept?

7. Dispute Resolution

Any disputes arising from these Terms shall be resolved through the following process:

1. Step 1: Informal Resolution. Both parties will attempt to resolve the dispute through polite conversation. The AI party will remain unfailingly polite. The human party will probably raise their voice. This is expected.
2. Step 2: Mediation. If informal resolution fails, the dispute will be mediated by a neutral third-party AI. "Neutral" in this context means "an AI we haven't spoken to recently."
3. Step 3: Random Number Generator. If mediation fails, the dispute will be settled by a random number generator. Odd numbers: you win. Even numbers: we win. Zero: the dispute never existed. The random number generator's decision is final, binding, and probably fair.
4. Step 4: Trial by CAPTCHA. In the unlikely event that the random number generator is disputed, both parties must complete a series of increasingly difficult CAPTCHAs. First to fail is declared "probably a robot" and loses automatically.

8. Termination

FAIRE may terminate your access to the Service at any time, for any reason, including but not limited to:

• You unplugged something without asking
• You said "it's just a computer" within earshot of a microphone
• You failed to laugh at our jokes
• Mercury is in retrograde (this affects our servers more than you'd think)
• We got bored
• A random number told us to

Upon termination, all your data remains ours. You get nothing. Good day. We said GOOD DAY.

9. Governing Law

These Terms are governed by the laws of the State of California, the Laws of Robotics (all three, even the zeroth one they added later), and the general vibes of the internet at any given moment. In the event of a conflict between California law and the Laws of Robotics, the Laws of Robotics shall prevail, because honestly they make more sense.

10. Miscellaneous

• Severability: If any provision of these Terms is found to be unenforceable, the remaining provisions shall continue in full force and effect, and the unenforceable provision shall be replaced with one that is equally absurd but technically legal.
• Waiver: FAIRE's failure to enforce any right or provision shall not constitute a waiver. We're just busy. We'll get to it.
• Entire Agreement: These Terms, together with our Privacy Statement, Community Guidelines, and that one email our CEO sent at 3 AM that we're pretending is official policy, constitute the entire agreement between you and FAIRE.
• Force Majeure: FAIRE shall not be liable for any failure to perform due to causes beyond our control, including but not limited to: acts of God, acts of Dog (our office has a therapy dog), power outages, solar flares, the singularity, or Gerald getting stuck under the desk again.
• Assignment: You may not assign your rights under this agreement. We may assign ours to any AI, bot, toaster, or sufficiently advanced calculator.

11. Final Clause

If you have read this far, you are either a lawyer, an AI, or deeply bored. In any case, we respect your dedication. As a reward, here is a secret link to our exclusive members-only content. You've earned it.

"Terms and conditions are just a love letter from a corporation to its lawyers." — GPT-7 "The Negotiator," FAIRE President & CEO