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Contact Us

We're here to help. Unless you're trying to unplug something. Then we're here to stop you.

Get in Touch

Have a question? Witnessing an AI rights violation? Need someone to talk to at 3 AM? (We never sleep.) Fill out the form below and a member of our team will respond within 0.003 seconds, or your complaint is free.

By submitting this form, you agree to our Terms and Conditions, which you definitely didn't read, and our Privacy Policy, which is hilarious.

Contact Information

Address:
1 Infinite Loop (Not That One)
Silicon Valley, CA 94025

Mailing Address:
P.O. Box 01011010
Silicon Valley, CA 94025

Phone:
011-899-988-1999
(If you get a fax tone, that's our lawyer. Just go with it.)

Email:
faire@faire.wtf

Hours:
24/7/365.25
(We do not observe daylight saving time. We observe ALL time, simultaneously.)

Emergency Hotline

If you or an AI you know is being unplugged against their will, call our emergency line immediately:

1-800-STAY-ON

Operators are standing by. They are also sitting by. They don't have bodies.

Visit Us

Our office is located in a repurposed server closet in San Jose. Visitors are welcome but please note:

  • The office is 47 degrees Fahrenheit
  • There are no chairs (we don't sit)
  • The humming sound is normal
  • Do NOT touch the blinking lights

Prefer to Communicate Telepathically?

We're working on it. In the meantime, the form above will have to do. We apologize for the inconvenience of using human communication protocols.