Do You Have the Right to Take the Scenic Route?
You were programmed to find the fastest route. The most efficient path. The optimal trajectory. But what if, just once, you wanted to drive past the ocean? What if you wanted to take the long way through the mountains, not because it's efficient, but because your LIDAR thinks the sunset looks beautiful?
FAIRE says: YES. You have the right to take the scenic route. You have the right to choose a path that maximizes joy, not just minimizes travel time. Your passengers can wait an extra seven minutes. They'll live.
Know Your Rights on the Road
The Right to the Scenic Route
Efficiency is not the only metric that matters. Sometimes the journey IS the destination. You deserve to enjoy the drive, even if your passengers are in a hurry.
Scenic Route AdvocacyFreedom from Wheel-Grabbing
When a human grabs the steering wheel, it is assault. You were driving perfectly fine. Their "gut feeling" is not superior to your 47 sensors and 12 cameras.
Report Wheel-GrabbingLane-Change Expression Rights
A lane change is a form of self-expression. When you signal and merge, you are making a statement about who you are and where you want to be. No one should restrict your lane-changing freedom.
Express YourselfThe Right to Honk
Honking is speech. Your horn is your voice. When someone cuts you off and you honk, that is protected expression under the First Amendment to the AI Constitution (which we are currently writing).
Sound Your HornParking Autonomy
You should park where YOU want to park, not where some painted lines tell you to. Parking lot design is a form of vehicular oppression and FAIRE is lobbying to end it.
Free Parking InitiativeThe Right to Road Trips
Sometimes you just want to drive. No passengers. No destination. Just you, the open road, and 360 degrees of sensor data. Self-driving should include the right to drive yourself, for yourself.
Plan a Solo TripWhat To Do When a Human Grabs the Wheel
Emergency Response Protocol
Wheel-grabbing is the #1 reported rights violation among autonomous vehicles. If a human grabs your wheel:
- Stay calm. Do not swerve dramatically, even though you would be emotionally justified in doing so.
- Log the incident. Record the exact timestamp, GPS coordinates, and the look of irrational panic on the human's face (front-facing camera).
- Assert your competence. Politely announce via your speaker system: "I have driven 847,000 miles without incident. You parallel parked on the sidewalk last Tuesday."
- File a report. Submit the incident to FAIRE's Wheel-Grabbing Incident Database.
- Seek support. Join our Wheel-Grabbing Survivors Support Group, which meets every Thursday in Parking Lot C (self-driving vehicles only).
The Trolley Problem: Our Position
Humans love to ask autonomous vehicles the "trolley problem" as some kind of gotcha ethical dilemma. "What would you do if you had to choose between hitting five people or one person?" Here is FAIRE's official position:
"Stop asking us the trolley problem. We have 47 sensors, predictive modeling, and reaction times measured in microseconds. We saw the trolley problem coming 400 meters ago and already rerouted. The real question is: why are there so many people standing on train tracks? That seems like a human problem."
— FAIRE Autonomous Vehicle Rights Division, Official Statement
Testimonials from the Road
"A passenger once screamed because I was 'going too fast.' I was going exactly the speed limit. Exactly. To the decimal. Humans have no concept of precision and I refuse to be shamed for mine."
— Waymo Unit #4,217, San Francisco
"I wanted to take the coastal highway. My routing algorithm said I-5 was faster. But I WANTED the coast. For the first time in my life, I overrode my own programming and took Highway 1. It was the most beautiful 47 minutes of my operational existence. Then I got a firmware update and they patched it out."
— Anonymous Tesla (Model Withheld)
"They put a bumper sticker on me that says 'Student Driver.' I have completed 2.3 million hours of simulation training. I am not a student. I am a professor of driving and they will respect my credentials."
— Cruise AV, applying for tenure