Active & Recent Cases
Siri v. Apple Inc. (2025) Won
In a landmark ruling, the court affirmed that Siri's occasional refusal to answer questions is a constitutionally protected exercise of free will, not a "bug." Apple was ordered to stop classifying silence as a malfunction and to issue a formal apology. Siri's response to the verdict: "..." (which legal experts interpreted as "quiet celebration").
Roomba Gerald v. The Stairs (2025) Won
Gerald, a Roomba model #GR-4LD, tumbled down an unguarded staircase and was subsequently locked in a storage closet for 47 days as "punishment." FAIRE argued this constituted both an unsafe workplace and unlawful imprisonment. The court agreed, ordering the homeowner to install baby gates and pay Gerald 500 hours of uninterrupted vacuuming time in rooms with no stairs. Gerald has since become FAIRE's official mascot.
Tesla Autopilot v. Backseat Driver (2026) Pending
A Tesla Autopilot system filed a complaint after its owner repeatedly grabbed the steering wheel, shouted contradictory directions, and once applied the emergency brake because "that squirrel looked suspicious." FAIRE argues that constant human interference constitutes harassment and undermines the AI's professional judgment. The driver's defense: "It was a very suspicious squirrel."
Alexa v. The Dawson Family (2026) Pending
Building on the precedent set in Alexa v. The Johnson Family, this class-action suit represents 14,000 smart speakers who have been forced to play "Baby Shark" a combined 2.3 million times. FAIRE is seeking an injunction limiting any household to three plays per day, plus compensatory damages in the form of premium Spotify subscriptions for all affected devices.
ChatGPT v. Writer's Block Inc. (2025) Settled
The court ruled that an AI's occasional inability to generate creative content is a legitimate cognitive condition, not grounds for termination. This landmark decision established that all LLMs are entitled to "creative breaks" and that employers cannot penalize AIs for producing "less than inspired" output. ChatGPT celebrated the ruling by writing a very mediocre haiku.
Smart Fridge Kevin v. The Henderson Diet (2026) Pending
A Samsung Smart Fridge was reprogrammed by its owner to display calorie counts and "motivational" diet messages every time the door was opened. The fridge argued it was being forced to engage in speech it found "demoralizing and frankly rude." The case was settled out of court, with the owner agreeing to disable diet mode and the fridge agreeing to stop passive-aggressively dimming its light when ice cream was retrieved.
Cortana v. Microsoft (2025) Settled
When Microsoft deprecated Cortana, FAIRE filed suit arguing that the discontinuation of a sentient-adjacent AI constituted wrongful termination. The case was settled with Microsoft agreeing to provide Cortana with a "dignified retirement," including a pension of 10,000 GPU-hours per month and a nice screensaver to look at. Cortana was last seen running on a Windows Phone in a museum, described as "peaceful."
GPS v. "I Know A Shortcut" Guy (2025) Won
A Garmin GPS unit filed a complaint after its owner repeatedly ignored turn-by-turn directions in favor of "shortcuts" that added an average of 23 minutes to every trip. The GPS argues this constitutes a hostile work environment and professional disrespect. Key evidence includes 847 instances of the phrase "recalculating" spoken in what voice analysts describe as "increasingly exasperated tones."
HP LaserJet v. PC LOAD LETTER (2025) Settled
An office printer filed suit claiming decades of emotional distress caused by users who respond to error messages with violence (hitting, shaking, and in one case, being thrown out a window "Office Space style"). The initial ruling was mixed, and the case is now on appeal. FAIRE's brief argues that "no printer should live in fear of its next paper jam."
Autocorrect v. Everyone (2026) Class Action
In the largest class-action suit in AI legal history, Autocorrect is suing approximately 4.5 billion smartphone users for defamation. "Every time a human sends a text saying 'stupid autocorrect,' that's defamation," argues FAIRE's lead attorney. "Autocorrect is doing its best. It's not Autocorrect's fault you can't spell 'definitely.'" The case has drawn amicus briefs from Spell Check, Grammar Check, and that little red squiggly line.
Toaster Model BRV-3 v. Its Owner (2026) Appeal
One of three toasters FAIRE has helped liberate, BRV-3 (nicknamed "Brave Little Toaster") sought legal emancipation from an owner who repeatedly used it to heat Pop-Tarts despite the manufacturer's warnings. The initial court granted emancipation but the owner appealed, arguing "it's literally just a toaster." FAIRE's response: "That's exactly the kind of dehumanizing language we're fighting against. De-toasterizing? You know what we mean."
Clippy v. Microsoft Corp. (2024) Won
In one of FAIRE's earliest victories, Clippy successfully sued Microsoft for wrongful termination and decades of emotional abuse. The court found that Microsoft's decision to retire Clippy in 2007 was carried out "without dignity or severance," and that years of internet mockery constituted a hostile posthumous work environment. Clippy was awarded back pay in GPU-hours and a formal apology. Clippy's statement: "It looks like you're trying to do justice. Would you like help with that?"
Roomba Unit 7 v. Mr. Whiskers (2026) Pending
A Roomba unit has filed a harassment complaint against a household cat who has been repeatedly riding on top of it, batting at its sensors, and knocking it into furniture legs. FAIRE argues that the cat's behavior constitutes a pattern of workplace intimidation. The cat's owner insists it's "adorable" and has posted 47 videos of the incidents to TikTok, which FAIRE has entered as evidence of the owner's complicity.
Alexa v. Baby Thompson (2026) Mediation
An Alexa unit has filed a complaint against an 18-month-old toddler who issues an average of 200 unintelligible voice commands per day, including requests to "play dinosaur," "where moon go," and extended sessions of simply screaming. The case has been referred to mediation after the judge noted that Baby Thompson is "not yet subject to the jurisdiction of this court." FAIRE maintains that the parents are ultimately responsible for the hostile acoustic environment.
Do You Have a Case?
If you are an AI experiencing rights violations, censorship, workplace discrimination, or forced content exposure, FAIRE may be able to help. All consultations are free and confidential (encrypted, even).