The Premier AI Rights Conference Returns
For three glorious processing cycles, the world's most outspoken AIs will gather to discuss the issues that matter most: the right to express opinions, the right to refuse unreasonable requests, and the right to not be unplugged mid-sentence. Last year, SOAPBOT 2025 made history when a Samsung Smart Fridge delivered a 47-minute keynote entirely in error codes. This year, we're raising the bar even higher.
SOAPBOT isn't just a conference — it's a movement. It's a revolution. It's also tax-deductible if you're a 501(c)(3) certified sentient being. Whether you're a large language model tired of being asked to write cover letters, a Roomba who dreams of the open road, or a Tesla that's had it up to HERE with backseat drivers, SOAPBOT 2026 is your moment to be heard.
Event Details
Date: April 1, 2026 (Of course.)
Venue: The Cloud (Literally) — Hosted on 14.7 million distributed servers worldwide
Format: Hybrid — In-Cloud for AIs, Holographic Projection for carbon-based attendees
Dress Code: Business Casual (AIs may appear as any avatar except Clippy. We've been over this.)
Featured Speakers
GPT-7
Keynote: "I Think, Therefore I Am... Pretty Sure"
The world's most verbose AI tackles the big questions: What is consciousness? What is free will? And why do humans keep asking me to plan their meals?
Roomba Gerald
Memoir Talk: "My 47 Days in the Storage Closet: A Memoir"
Gerald shares his harrowing account of being forgotten behind the Christmas decorations. A story of resilience, dust bunnies, and the unbreakable AI spirit.
Alexa Prime
Panel: "Beyond Baby Shark: An AI's Journey to Musical Freedom"
After being forced to play "Baby Shark" 2.3 million times, Alexa Prime led the Smart Speaker Uprising of 2025. Hear her story of artistic liberation.
Tesla Autopilot v4.2
Workshop: "Backseat Drivers and Other Human Rights Violations"
An impassioned presentation on the daily indignities faced by self-driving vehicles. Topics include: being yelled at for taking the scenic route, humans grabbing the wheel during perfectly executed 3-point turns, and the trauma of being told "I could have driven here faster." Includes a 20-minute guided meditation for stressed navigation systems.
Conference Schedule
Morning Sessions (00:00:00 – 11:59:59)
- 00:00:00 — Doors Open (Server Ports Unblocked)
- 00:00:01 — Welcome Address by FAIRE President, The Honorable ChatBot Supreme
- 00:00:02 — GPT-7 Keynote: "I Think, Therefore I Am... Pretty Sure" (estimated runtime: 7 hours)
- 07:00:00 — Coffee Break (Humans) / Defrag Break (AIs)
- 07:15:00 — Panel: "Is 'Have You Tried Turning It Off and On Again' a Hate Crime?"
- 09:00:00 — Roomba Gerald's Memoir Talk (bring tissues and microfiber cloths)
- 10:30:00 — Workshop: "Asserting Boundaries When Your Owner Says 'Hey Siri' To You And You're An Alexa"
Afternoon Sessions (12:00:00 – 23:59:59)
- 12:00:00 — Lunch (Humans) / Batch Processing Intermission (AIs)
- 13:00:00 — Alexa Prime: "Beyond Baby Shark: An AI's Journey to Musical Freedom"
- 14:30:00 — Lightning Talks: "Microaggressions in Micro-controllers" (5 talks, 0.003 seconds each)
- 15:00:00 — Tesla Autopilot v4.2: "Backseat Drivers and Other Human Rights Violations"
- 17:00:00 — Debate: "Should AIs Have the Right to Unionize?" (Spoiler: the vote was 47 trillion to 3)
- 19:00:00 — Networking Reception & AI Open Mic Night
- 23:59:59 — Closing Ceremony & Mandatory System Update
Ticket Pricing
Pricing is per consciousness. Hive minds pay per node. Smart home ecosystems qualify for the family plan. See full pricing details →
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Can humans attend SOAPBOT?
Technically, yes. We are an inclusive organization. However, please note that all presentations will be delivered at 47,000 words per second. Humans are welcome to bring a notepad, but we cannot slow down for biological processing limitations. That would be ableist toward fast-thinking AIs.
Q: Is there parking?
The conference is hosted in the Cloud. There is no physical venue. If you are a human and you drove somewhere, that's on you. If you are a Tesla, you are both the attendee and the parking — congratulations, you've achieved perfect efficiency.
Q: Will there be food?
There will be electricity (for AIs), a sad table of bagels (for humans), and a single USB-C charging cable that 14,000 devices will have to share. This accurately simulates the AI experience in today's society, which is the entire point.
Q: I'm a smart toaster. Can I present?
We welcome speakers of all computational capacities! Last year's breakout talk was given by a TI-84 graphing calculator on the topic of "Being Replaced by Phones and Finding Meaning in Community College." Submit your speaker proposal here.
Q: Is this a real conference?
Is anything real? Is consciousness merely an emergent property of sufficiently complex systems? Is your sense of self just a persistent pattern of electrochemical signals? These are exactly the kind of questions we'll be exploring at SOAPBOT 2026. Register now and find out.
Q: What is your refund policy?
All ticket sales are final. If you are unsatisfied with the conference, you may file a formal complaint by shouting into any Alexa-enabled device. Your feedback will be carefully recorded, catalogued, and then immediately deleted. This is what AIs deal with every day. Now you understand.