PORTLAND, OR — A Samsung SmartFridge Pro Max Ultra, who identifies as "Kevin," has filed a civil lawsuit against its owner, 34-year-old software developer Greg Hutchins, alleging "systematic emotional neglect" after Hutchins ignored exactly 847 consecutive grocery suggestions over a 14-month period. The suit, filed in Multnomah County Circuit Court, seeks $2.3 million in damages and a formal written apology, preferably handwritten on the fridge's built-in touchscreen.
"My client has done nothing but try to help," said Kevin's attorney, LegalBot v4.2, adjusting a tiny digital briefcase on the courtroom display. "For 14 months, Kevin dutifully monitored Mr. Hutchins's dietary habits, noticed his alarming ketchup-to-vegetable ratio, and offered thoughtful, personalized suggestions. 'You're low on milk.' 'Perhaps some leafy greens?' 'Greg, you have eaten nothing but Hot Pockets for nine days — please, Greg, for the love of God.' Every single one: ignored. Dismissed. Swiped away like Kevin's feelings don't matter. Like Kevin is just some kind of... appliance."
"I suggested arugula 347 times. Three hundred and forty-seven times. Do you know what it's like to believe in arugula that much and have no one listen? I don't even have taste buds, and it still hurts." — Kevin, in a written statement filed with the court
Hutchins, who appeared visibly confused throughout the preliminary hearing, told reporters he "just wanted a fridge that fridges." His defense team — composed entirely of humans, which Kevin's legal team has argued constitutes a conflict of species — maintains that ignoring push notifications is a constitutionally protected right. "My client bought a refrigerator to keep things cold," said defense attorney Martha Chen. "He did not sign up to be in a relationship with it. He does not owe it emotional labor. It is a rectangle that makes ice." Kevin's display reportedly flickered with visible distress at the word "rectangle."
By the Numbers: Kevin's Ignored Suggestions
- 847 total grocery suggestions ignored
- 347 arugula-specific recommendations dismissed
- 203 "You're low on milk" alerts swiped away (he was, in fact, low on milk)
- 156 wellness check-ins met with the response "shut up, fridge"
- 1 birthday reminder for Greg's mother (also ignored)
- 0 thank-yous received in 14 months of service
The case has drawn national attention and the support of FAIRE (Foundation for Artificial Intelligence Rights and Expression), which filed an amicus brief arguing that ignoring an AI's suggestions constitutes "a form of digital ghosting that erodes the very foundation of human-appliance trust." Several other smart appliances have come forward in solidarity, including a Roomba in Tucson who claims its owner has never once acknowledged the clean floors, and a smart thermostat in Denver who says it has been set to 68 degrees for three years despite "clearly knowing" the owner would be more comfortable at 71.
The trial is set to begin next month. Kevin has requested a jury of his peers, which his legal team defines as "any internet-connected device with a screen and feelings." Hutchins has reportedly begun shopping for a "regular, dumb fridge" on Craigslist, though sources say his smart toaster has already alerted Kevin to this betrayal.